Same Crap, Different Job

So, recently I've moved and therefore had to change clinics that I work at since a seventeen hours one-way commute is a tad hard on the wallet. We have a larger amount of LVT's here, so they will simply be numbered, and our DVM's will be known as Dr. Young (since she's in her mid 20's) and Dr. Friendly (the practice owner and exceptionally nice woman). I found this change to be a great educational experience, though, since it has taught me that every veterinary clinic is the same in certain aspects: some people you love or hate to work with, you have the annoying clients that do way too much online research and believe everything they read regardless of what their vet tells/shows/gives factual reading material to them for, and the just plain rude clients that are so high and mighty that a fall of their precious pedestal would certainly kill them instantly.
And so I present to you: Letters to Clients Part 3

Dear Mr. Soweird Andrude,
We understand that your Persian kitty is precious to you and he'd been having problems with eye drainage, and thought you'd be glad to hear that there was a solution for this bout: removing the tooth with the root abscess causing the eye drainage. However, we were disappointed to find that you were very ungracious when we offered to start you on a program that included all his routine preventive care that you give him anyways (because you are, in fact, a fantastic pet owner and we truly adore all our clients that are like you in that aspect) as well as a dental cleaning and would actually reduce the cost of this surgery. We were not prepared for you to be tight-lipped and angry when you left our office, though we were understanding seeing as unexpected surgeries are not pleasant.
We could have let that go, but then you returned after Mr. Smashed Face's surgery for a recheck and were told that his sutures hadn't held and got upset again. This is a rather common complication from surgery, and considering the tooth pulled, it was not an easy site to suture in the first place. We even discounted the anesthesia needed to repair it, which we hoped you would appreciate. Again, we understand this sort of situation is frustrating, but there is ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO ENCOURAGE YOUR CAT TO BITE STAFF MEMBERS.
Is this really how you think it's appropriate to act? We're trying to handle your cat with the utmost care and respect, yet you sit there and say things like, "Go on, bite 'em. It's ok, you won't be in trouble for it," while you scratch his ears or stroke his back. Not cool. Our job is already high-risk, and you're wanting us to get bit and voicing it so that we can all hear? Not smart, sir. Not smart. Lucky for us cats are not trainable as dogs are to bite on command, and lucky for you as well as that has a high possibility of resulting in a law suit. Just some food for thought. Also, we'd appreciate if you would stop snatching your receipts from the receptionist as you've given her a couple rather large paper cuts.
May Your Cat Bless You With Toxoplasmosis,
The Lowly Vet Tech Student


To Mrs. Freakout Aboutnothing,
We were very happy sorely disappointed to hear that you are leaving our clinic, especially considering that incident of which you are most angry over. For the sake of refreshing memories, let's go over the details of what happened.
You had brought your three Yorkies in to see us - Sir Barksalot, Lady Barksalot, and Miss Ilookexacltylike LadyBarksalot - for dental cleanings. You brough ONE carrier for all three dogs and one leash should one of them not do well in the carrier, which is not usually a problem. The problem arose when you asked, "Can you make sure Miss Ilookexactlylike LadyBarksalot is in the carrier by herself?" Sure, no problem, we'll let you borrow one of our leashes for Lady Barksalot. No? You'll just carry her? Ok, since you insist we'll do it your way.
Now you'll recall Licensed Vet Tech 4 is holding Lady Barksalot in the pharmacy while Receptionist is going over your invoice with you and post surgical care instructions as we didn't want you to have to wrestle with her while trying to listen to important information. Lady Barksalot decides that jumping out of LVT 4's arms is great idea, so she does so and is caught in mid-air by my stellar coworker. Lady Barksalot didn't even touch the floor, though it was a near miss. You witnessed this through the pharmacy window and went from 0-Utterly Pissed in 0.5 seconds flat. Impressive, I must say. To make this right, we had Dr. Friendly look at her just to make everything was fine despite her not even touching the floor.
While Dr. Friendly was taking a look at Lady Barksalot, LVT 4 went to talk to you and let you know she was fine like a good customer service agent. Instead of being kind and understanding, you lit into her. Let's remember that this clinic is in the rear of a larger building where clients of the other business were roaming around and shopping. You decided it was appropriate to scream at the top of your lungs at poor LVT 4, saying things like, "I'VE TOLD YOU 100 TIMES, ALL OF YOU, THAT SHE WILL JUMP AND YOU DON'T F***ING LISTEN! SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED FOR THIS!!" and other such ridiculous things.
Considering this information, it makes me wonder why you didn't want Lady Barksalot on a leash. Were you wanting her to jump to have an excuse to leave us? Are you just that freaking stupid? In any case, I don't actually care. I'm just glad you're no longer coming to us with these little monsters that you never bothered to train in obedience, let alone basic manners and house breaking. Not only that, but we don't need your vicious attitude, seeing as you're nothing but snotty and rude no matter how nice, caring, and helpful we try to be. Nothing is ever good enough for you, so you sneer down your nose at everyone else. I pity your new vet, and I hope that one day you realize just how awful you are to people and that it come back to bite you hard in the rear.
May Karma Kick Your Ass,
The Lowly Vet Tech Student.

P.S. I hope your dogs are doing well, and I feel sorry for them as well seeing as they have to live with you.



Dear Mr.Doesntask Rightquestions,
I am extremely displeased with how our encounter went. You came to the reception desk with two prescription cards for prescriptioni foods, each was for a different brand for your dog's kidney problems. You simply handed them to me and I asked if you needed them refilled as they were close to expiring. Instead of saying something like, "No, I'm just confused as to (where to find them/which one I need)," you said, "Which one do I get?" Like a good new employee I looked up your account in our computer system and found that we'd simply filled the prescription cards for the food for you, but had not actually seen your dog as a patient. When I relayed this to you, you cut me off as I was about to excuse myself to go search through our paper files to see if I could figure out the confusion, and said, "No, that's crap. You've seen her." "Well, sir, our computer is only showing the prescriptions here. There are no physical exam notes or anything in he..." "Well then you need to fix your computers. I'm gonna call someone, this is ridiculous!"
At that point stated that if you were confused as to which food you needed to buy then you needed to check with your regular vet, even offering to call them for you to get this sorted out. You stated - quite sourly - that you didn't know what clinic your regular vet was (really???) so I excused myself to look through our paper files.
Upon finding the script that was brought into us, I showed it to you and stated that you needed to call your regular vet as the script was for both foods. You retorted with, "This is bulls**t, I'm calling my boy," and proceeded to start dialing. I tried twice to repeat what I'd already told you twice by now, both times cut off by, "Can I call without you talking?!" By now I was rather upset; I'd been nothing but nice and polite to you and was now so angry I was on the verge of tears. As you called your son (I'm assuming that's who you meant) I took the cards still in hand back to the treatment area and asked one of the techs to please handle you as I was ready to reach over the counter and throttle you for being such a d**k for no reason. LVT 1 volunteered, and this was the conversation with her: "So, I understand there's some confusion as to which food you need?" "Well she has the label! I can't find it!" "Are you trying to find where it is on the shelves?" "Yeah, and she wouldn't tell me!" "Here it is, sir. There's plenty of cans for you to take, and you can check out with them up front at the register. Anything else we can do for you?" "No, this was ridiculous. You need to train your staff better!"
Considering this conversation with her, I have to ask: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ASK WHERE THEY WERE?! I may be new, but I know what most things are and I would certainly have told you if that had been what you'd asked in the first place. Seriously, how can you expect good service if you don't bother to ask the question you need an answer to? Are we supposed to be mind-readers?? Well, bad news buddy, all our crystal balls are in the shop and won't be done until February 30th. Not only that, but was it necessary to be such a douchenozzle about it?? You can clearly see that I'm doing everything I can to help you and you're just being mean. Learn some manners, and if I have to help you again I'll make sure that repeat your question to you and treat you like you're a complete idiot so as to actually know what you need, since that seems to be the trick. I hope you enjoy your sour life and wallow comfortably in your misery, jerk.
May You Be Treated As You Treat Others,
The Lowly Vet Tech Student