Odds and Evens

It was yesterday that many of our newer employees got to experience the miracle of birth c-section. Bittersweet, though it was (Momma Dog was only 8 months old - which is a HUGE no-no when breeding intentionally), we all had a great time ooohing and ahhing over the four puppies. The funny part? All four were male - very uncommon, as you usually have at least one of the opposite gender in a litter - and three of the four little buggers were liver and white - an uncommon color pattern in Boston terriers, and having three in a littler is practically unheard of. That pretty much wraps it up, but before we part I'd like to present you with....ADORABLE PICTURES! *dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUNNNN*

Strange Bedfellows

So, like most suckers, I allow my pets to sleep on my bed with me at night. Don't look at me like that, they make great bed warmers in the winter when you're trying to keep the heating bill down. I would feel bad saying that, but they DO have fur coats. This morning I was startled awake, not by my alarm as usual, but by someone noisily rolling over on the bed. I opened my eyes only to find...

EXHIBIT A: Drover assuming The Position












That's right, I found this nonsense giving me the, "I can has bellyrubbinz, nao?" look at eight am. The worst part? I rubbed his belly anyways. What can I say? I'm a self-proclaimed sucker.

Family/Client Similarities

It horrifies me to say this, however my family severely reminds me of many of our clients. A great example of this is our clients that call and demand request diagnoses/treatment recommendations over the phone and then become irate when given the standard, "We're legally not allowed to do that," or, "That could be any number of things; it's best to bring Fido in to get a correct diagnosis," which is not only the ethical thing to do, but is much safer for the pet. The clients that do this are usually the ones looking to get out of paying for a vet bill - because, as we all know, the veterinary field is 100% "money grubbers" and not folks who actually care about pet health - and it pains me deeply that my own family has done this to me on, so far, two instances.

Instance One: My sister - who lives overseas - calls me in the middle of the workday, stating that her cat is, "acting like she's drunk," due to some sedatives her vet had given the cat (apparently this feline becomes Luci-fur at their clinic). When told that I'd have to check with one of our docs - her clinic was closed due to the time there and there is no ER vet in that area apparently - she proceeded to yell at me about how "incompetent, and self-centered" I was (...Um, what?). The story ends with her getting her answer via Social Networking Site, after some research on our docs part and the equivalent of pulling teeth to get my sister to tell me what the drugs were. Oi.

Instance Two: Grandma calls at 11:00 pm to tell me that Rufus has a hotspot and ask what she can do to help it. Hotspots - while an easy fix - need to be seen, no matter what. For all I know it was covered in pus and needed antibiotics. My advice? Call the vet. Telling me, "But I called you because you know all that stuff," doesn't work, but thanks for the flattery. I'm not a DVM, simply an assistant, and cannot legally give medical advice over the phone without 1) the pet being seen by a DVM that I work with, and 2) consulting a DVM. Nice try, Grandma. Nice try.

Client Manners: Part 2

It seems that my previous rules suggestions for client manners are being completely ignored have not reached the general public, or were not thorough enough. In light of that, here are a few more suggestions - and reasons to use them - to help everyone have a good experience and prevent arguments/pissed off clinic employees/clients:

1. DO NOT let me get through my whole spiel on the phone and then ask for a business that's not even close to ours, and then argue with me about it. Ex: "Thank you for calling Local Vet Clinic, this is Vet Assistant 1 speaking. How can I help you?" "Uh, is this the DMV?" "...No, this is a vet clinic sir/ma'am." "But the phone book lists you as the DMV." "Yes, they made a clerical error and didn't fix it before the phone books were distributed." "That's false advertisement! Which is illegal!" Etc, etc.

• This does nothing but anger me. I have clearly stated what business we are, and you - on account of being what I refer to as a dumb-dumb - have ignored me a now made an ass out of yourself. Stop wasting my time, and don't accuse me of things that I can't control.

2. When you ask if you can have a refill of a medication that needs A. bloodwork done in order to fill it, or B. an exam because we haven't seen your pet in nearly/over a year, DO NOT get huffy or try to weasel out of it with excuses.

• Your pet's health is at stake here, not to mention we have a legal obligation to see your pet and know that it's getting the correct medication and/or is healthy enough for those meds before giving out refills. This especially goes for medications like heartworm preventative (which an annual test is recommended for so as to not accidentally kill your pet by killing heartworms if they have them) and any medication that needs bloodwork done annually. The bloodwork is to make sure that the levels of the drug in their system is appropriate, it is not our fault the tests can be expensive. Take that one up with the companies that make/run the tests. 

3.  DO NOT bring your pet in for an elective surgery (dental cleanings, fatty mass removals, declawing, etc), sign all the papers, and then ask if you can do a payment plan after we've done the surgery.

• Not having the money is NOT an excuse, especially for an elective surgery. You should have had the money ready to give to us BEFORE setting up the appointment. 
• Yes, we will have you fill out a Care Credit application before we agree to a payment plan, thanks to asswipes people like you that have screwed us in the past by not holding to the agreements. That is the reason for our, "PAYMENT IS REQUIRED AT THE TIME OF SERVICES," plaques in all our exam rooms and the lobby. 
• You wouldn't do this to your doctor, so don't do it to your pet's. 

4. We have an open door policy, so if you want to watch your pet's surgery, you're more than welcome to. However, DO NOT tell us you will be there at 1 pm for the surgeryand then have the audacity to show up an hour and a half late and be angry with us.

• First of all, we don't have set times for each surgery, so by scheduling a time to show up at all, you're putting us in a time crunch. Our method is to make sure we have both doctors each working on a patient during our surgery time, and we usually figure out the best way to make use of our surgery time as we go.
• Getting angry with us because we either did your pet before you got there - since you didn't call us to let us know you would be late AND we couldn't reach you on the number you left, we assumed you weren't going to show - or because we hadn't done your pet yet and now you have to wait a few minutes for us to finish one surgery before starting on the your companion's does nothing but piss us off. NEWS FLASH: Your time is not more valuable than ours, and since we're working with individuals under anesthesia you should be understanding instead of cussing us out. 

5. Please do not yell at the receptionist because you didn't know that your pet was five years overdue for vaccines and we require they all be updated in order for them to board or stay even for just the day.

•  This is required for the safety of not only the other pets in the clinic, but for your pet's health as well. We do not vaccinate simply because we're "money grubbing assholes," you asshole. 

6. Please do not yell at ANY of the staff because you couldn't be bothered to bring Chi-Chi's rabies certificate or any shot records at all. We WILL revaccinate if we don't have the records, simply for the safety of our staff and for your own legal protection.

• Telling us that Local No Kill Shelter did the vaccines isn't going to fly, as we are - literally - NEVER able to reach them and pretty much have to assume you're lying due to the lack of records.

Hopefully this has been helpful in giving us better behaved clients. =]

Funny How That Works...

Is it just me, or is the world chock full of people that need to go into the "Stupid" category? And when I say stupid, I mean people that are - literally  - a complete waste of oxygen and space that could be used by someone with significantly more intelligence. Here is a great example from today of an entire family whose cumulative I.Q. is somewhere below room temperature (keep in mind that an I.Q. score lower than 75 is considered mentally retarded, and room temperature is considered ~72 degrees Fahrenheit).

Setting: Exam room with Dr. Wife, doing a quick abdominal ultrasound to confirm pregnancy in an 8 month old German shepherd*, the client and her teenage daughter standing there with a typical drool donkey expression on both of their faces

Dr. Wife: "Yep, she's definitely pregnant. See that movement there? That's a puppy's heartbeat, and it looks like she may have several in there. We can do x-rays when she's about one week out from whelping to count the pups, that way you'll have a better idea as to how many to expect and can be prepared if something goes wrong."

Ms. Nocommonsense: "But that's impossible! The only boy dog she's around is our other shepherd, and that's her brother. They wouldn't do that. Ever."

Dr. Wife: "Dogs don't discern between siblings. Even if they are brother and sister, if he's intact he'll still try to mate with her. Has he been neutered?"

Ms. Nocommonsense Jr.: "No, but she still can't be pregnant. The only time they're together is during the day outside, so there's no way they'd...do....that."

Dr. Wife: "...You do know that conception can happen during the day, right?"

Both Nocommonsenses: *slack-jawed stunned expressions*

Me: *after the clients had left with their info sheets* "That girl is SO going to get pregnant before she graduates high school."

Dr. Wife: "Oh, God, I hope not. Those people do not need to be breeding, their dogs or themselves."

* Side Note: When it comes to breeding, the recommendation is that ANY dog be at least TWO YEARS OLD before breeding. God, I hate dumb people.

More To Love In Less Time

It's time to talk about the elephant in the room, folks. Oh, oops, you mean that's your beagle??

Seriously, though, pet obesity has become a pandemic. Let's look at some statistics: 58% of cats in the U.S. are obese - approximately 54 million - and 45% of dogs are obese in the U.S. as well - about 35 million. A 14 year study by Purina has shown that pets with an ideal body condition score (BCS) live an average of 1.8 years longer than overweight pets. 

But Fluffy just looks so cute with a little extra chub, right? That may be so, but the health risks for overweight pets far outweighs that cuteness - no pun intended. Not only does being overweight contribute to diabetes, exacerbates arthritis pain, and is overall dangerous for your pet, but there is no reason - or excuse -  for a dog that's supposed to weigh 20lbs to weigh 75lbs. Not only is that unfair, but it's cruel. Overweight pets have more respiratory problems - they can't cool down as quickly as normal, the extra weight on their lungs causes them to breathe more heavily (ever heard an obese person next to you breathing loudly simply due to their weight and it's annoying? Yeah, your pet has to go through the same thing), some breeds are more prone to obesity as well and therefore have shorter lifespans if not fed properly- and often become so accustomed to having extra food and goodies that they perform food seeking behavior in order to sucker you into giving in and giving them that double cheeseburger from Burger Lard.

Before I get into that, though, I'd like to state that this is directed towards owners that WAY overfeed, and not towards those with pets that have genuine health problems that cause obesity - Cushing's disease, hypothyroidism, pets on steroids/anti-seizure meds, etc. - as those pets are typically on medications to help reduce their weight. 

So, you may be thinking: "My pet is overweight, but how do I start them on a diet?" Here are some key notes for that:

1. First and foremost, ALWAYS consult your VETERINARIAN before starting your pet on a diet. Yes, that kid at the Pet Depot seems to know a lot about different foods, but remember: your veterinarian went through many years of very rigorous school to obtain their degree, and can even refer you to a veterinary nutrition specialist if need be. Veterinarians also are able to prescribe special foods designed to promote weight-loss. Can the kid at Pet Depot do that? No. Nothing can top advice from your veterinarian when it comes to your pet. 
2. Keep in mind that you may not see results immediately. Weight-loss for pets needs to be slow. 1lb in a dog is equal to 5lbs in humans, and you need to remember that your veterinarian has a percentage of their body weight they want FiFi to lose each week/month. 
3. If you go for a nutrition consult BRING THE DOG FOOD BAG. Saying, "Uh, it's that blue bag that's at Pet Depot on the top shelf next to the yellow bags," is not a good answer when asked what you're feeding your dog. The best we can do is guess, and each different food has different information on the nutrition label - which you should be reading when picking out dog food instead of getting what's cheapest/on sale/the store clerk says is "the best".
4. After consulting your veterinarian about how much Fido should be eating daily, measure out his/her food and feed twice daily - make sure to feed ONLY dog food, table scraps and such are NOT allowed when your pet is dieting. Free feeding may be convenient, and the same with feeding once daily, however feeding twice daily has been shown to not only help regulate body weight, but also helps keep your pets blood sugar more regulated throughout the day which helps in preventing diabetes. 
5. Measure out treats as well, and consult your vet as to what types of treats are appropriate. Crunch Bones may be Spike's favorite treat, but certain raw veggies are better for his health and can help with his weight-loss. Not to mention, he'll probably enjoy the "people food" you've given him. 
6. Set small goals for exercise; if Buster isn't used to long daily walks, start by walking down the road 1-2 houses every other day and slowly increase your distance. The same goes for play; start with short time allotments, and increase slowly to help build stamina. This will help yours too!
7. Do not regret missed walks. Life can get in the way sometimes, we all know this. Simply do your best to make exercise as regular as possible so as to help Buddy reach his goal weight.

Now, back to food seeking behaviors. How can you counteract these so Fido doesn't con you into ruining his diet? A few tips are as follows: 

• Confine the pet while preparing human food.
• Feed during human meals so as to prevent begging at the table (you can also take a portion of their allotted food for the day and give them as treats at the table, so their not missing any of their diet and not getting anything extra either).
• Ignore any and all begging - this only works if it is COMPLETELY ignored, that means no eye contact, touching, or even the classic, "SHUT UP!"
• Keep food in pet proof containers for those that counter surf.
• Use exercise and play to bond with your pal, not food - more exercise and play does not mean that you can give them more food, though, if you're aiming for weight-loss. 
• For cats, they CAN be trained! Using favorite toys, treat dispensing toys, and small rewards for ticks, cats can soon learn adorable behaviors that allow you to bond with KeeKee more than ever.

Side note: for some reason, it seems that pretty much ALL diabetic cats are vicious assholes more grumpy than your non-diabetic feline. This is just my own observation, not a proven fact. Now let's get out there and have healthy happy pets!!

Post Script: For those owners with obese pets that are interested in a weight-loss program for their pet, check out Purina Veterinary Diets: Project Pet Slim Down and see if your veterinary clinic is participating! ( I am not paid to advertise this, it's just a really good program - my own place of work is participating and we've seen some really great results so far!)

It's Not Murder, It's HUMANE

Little in life truly bothers me, however - as you all know - neglect of a pet is one subject that REALLY burns my toast. I understand if someone doesn't have the money to treat certain conditions, and I also understand that chronic problems are expensive to treat in the vast majority of cases. HOWEVER, it is one thing to try treating them and give up - possibly euthanize - and another to just let your dog suffer.

Case and point:
Patient: Snotty McCantbreathe
Breed: Shih-tzu
Age and Sex: 14y, spayed female
Problems: Severe environmental allergies, chronic bronchitis, HUGE lipomas (fatty tumors) that impede her ability to defecate some days, severe dermatitis, etc, etc, etc.
Statement Regarding Euthanasia from Ms. Dontcareshe McCantbreathe: "I just don't think I could kill my sweet little puppy. I've had her for so long, it'd be like murder!" (This she says at every talk any of our docs have with her regarding putting the poor dog to sleep)

Now, I'm sure you're asking, "Does she just not have the money and is making an excuse?" My response would be, if that's the case then she should sell one of her five Gucci bags - and that's only the ones I've seen, so there may be more - to pay for it. Otherwise, she's just being a shithead and always had been seeing as she's never even attempted to treat her supposedly "beloved puppy dog" for her illnesses. That's right, I said it. This woman is more concerned about her own feelings regarding the dog than the dog's own happiness and well-being. It is obvious that poor little Snotty McCantbreathe is very unhappy: her tail droops all the time, she's mostly bald, she's nearly blind and completely deaf, has a difficult time defecating most days, coughs and wheezes on a constant basis, is most likely arthritic, smells like fermenting garbage left in the sun for an entire summer in the desert, and is so greasy from her skin problems that it's like trying to hold onto oil-coated turkey.

This is addressed to all the owners out there like this. Euthanasia - by definition - means "good passing." It's a way for us to give our beloved companions a way to pass away with the dignity they deserve and it's pain-free. Most vets will sedate a pet before administering the medication, and the medication itself is an overdose of an aesthetic agent so your pet will pass away euphorically in a very deep sleep. If you can sit there and watch a pet like Snotty McCantbreathe wallow in misery day after day, you sicken me. Hoping that they "just pass away in the night" is ABSOLUTELY NOT ACCEPTABLE. Euthanasia is not murder, it's humane. There is no pain in heaven. If your pet is suffering, please give them this gift if you are unable to treat their illness.