Cry Baby

Three more parvo pups now reside in our isolation room, making a total of eight pups that were parvo positive in the last week. While helping one of our technicians get the dog ready for IV fluids, the little fuzzball starts screaming BLOODY MURDER. At this, Dr. Wife comes running around the corner in a panic.
Dr.Wife: What are you doing to him???
Technician:...Shaving his leg.

Kids These Days

Today, after several days of being home with migraines, I returned to work to play receptionist. Upon entering the clinic I heard a blaring, "MAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" from beside the log in computer. A quick glance revealed the cage to be holding a white goat, just shorter than knee height on me, gnawing on newpaper; the cage card read, "*pet's name*: NEUTER"


Seeing as this is rather normal in our clinic, I went about my business preparing files for the next day, checking in patients, and other receptionist duties. Two hours after my arrival, a client walked in the door with their dog for a quick nail trim. One of my coworkers took the dog into a room to perform the dastardly (as our patients seem to think) deed. Several moments after the door closed, this happened:

From Treatment Area: MAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Client: *horrified* Is that my dog? Why are they making my dog scream like that?!
Me: ...No, ma'am. Your dog is in one of the exam rooms. The...
From Treatment Area: MAAAAAAAAAAAA! MAAA! MAAA! MAAAAAAAAA!
Me: That sound is from a patient in the back.
At this point in time my coworker returns the dog and checks the now perturbed client out*
 Client: You need to tell whoever is making that awful noise that it's not funny! I thought that was my dog! *storms out*
Coworker:...She can't be serious.

Rude Boo-Boos

So, yesterday I made the smooth move of dropping a glass in the sink while washing it and it cutting my finger. A trip to the E.R. resulted in three stitches, a giant bandage, a tetanus update, and an antibiotic shot in each butt cheek. Of course, this happened to the middle finger of my dominant hand. Today at work, I had several clients ask what had happened. In fact, every client I came in contact with asked what happened, except one - apparently a large, neon pink bandage covering 3/4 of my finger is easy to miss. When she finally did notice, this was the conversation that happened:
Me: This is your copy of the receipt, here's your card back, and I just need this copy signed. *reaches for pen in pocket, keeping my bandaged finger out*
Client: Are...Are you giving me the finger? *horrified*
Me: No, not at all ma'am. I had stitches put in my finger last night, and it's very painful.
Client: I want to see your manager, young lady. THAT is unacceptable behavior.
I simply agree and grab Dr. Husband - any doctors mentioned will be given nicknames, and as our practice is owned by a married couple our male doctor will be referred to as Dr. Husband - to let him know what's going on. He kindly explains to the client that I do, in fact, have an injured finger. The client continues to insist that I was subtley flipping her the bird until we actually unwrap my finger and show her the stitches in it.
 Dr. Husband: See? She wasn't trying to be rude, ma'am, just trying to keep from aggravating her injury.
Client: That is DISGUSTING! You shouldn't show that kind of thing to people! *signs receipt and storms out with her pet*
Dr. Husband: *dumbfounded*
Me: ...Can, can we put my bandage back on?

Couch Ornaments

So, today I woke up and found my dog missing from the foot of the bed, his usual place of residence during the night. After calling for him and searching the house, I come into the living room to find this. *sigh* It's amazing how tender they can be. I also found out yesterday that my foster cat drools when she purrs. How did I find this out, you ask? Simple. I was holding her like a baby and petting her when I suddenly felt a long line of cat slobber dribble down my neck.  >____<

Major Rant

Ok, typically I like to put up funny things that have happened at work, but today was spent helping a ten month old pitbull deliver puppies. 1) Dogs are NOT supposed to be bred until they're TWO YEARS of age. 2) Four out of the six puppies were deceased when we managed to get them out of her. Luckily, we did a C-section and managed to save the other two.

My coworker and I offered to take the two pups, nurse them every two hours, and find homes for them when they're old enough, since this owner had absolutely NO money for the surgery/delivery assistance. So, what does she reply with? "Oh, it's ok. We already have homes for them," with friends of theirs that also have no money.  The entire clinic staff fully expects to see these pups back with parvo from not being vaccinated.

The best part of this? This same owner wanted to get the cat that I put up for adoption at the clinic. Because, you know, the fact that she has NO money to take care of her pets and isn't bright enough to keep her intact male away from her less than one year old intact female makes me trust her to adopt an animal of any sort from me.

Question of the day: Why are people so FUCKING stupid??

All Animals Are Kitties

Every few days I play receptionist at work, which results in some entertaining things being witnessed. Exhibit A:
Small Child in Lobby: Look Mommy, a kitty! *points to German Shepherd*
 
This particular incident gave me a flashback to a similar occurrence at a humane society I worked for when I still lived with my parents. The facility was state-run, catering mostly to cats and dogs, though every once in a while a few strange animals would appear, mostly fowl, to be put up for adoption. On this day we had a couple of roosters residing in dog runs across the hall from the room where animals are assessed for temperament. Right next to this room is a set of extra cages, and at the time I was cleaning them when a volunteer came strolling down the hall as one of those roosters crowed.
Volunteer: Is that a cat?
Me: *turns slowly to look at her* What?
Volunteer: Is that a cat? 'Cause I heard it earlier and I was like, 'It's not a dog, so it must be a cat!'
Me: No...It's a rooster.
Volunteer: Oh! I've never heard one of those before!
My Inner Self: You obviously never had Farmer Says as a child...

The worst part? She was 100% serious.

Blood Is Optional

Heartworm tests during annual vaccine visits are a fairly common occurance, and are strongly encouraged for all pet owners to have done at least once yearly to make sure their pets' heartworm preventative is effective, as well as check for a couple of tick borne diseases our four-legged kids may pick up. In order to do this, it required three drops of blood. Typically a couple of assistants will go into the room, draw a small amount and use it just for this. Simple, right? Not every time, especially in older animals whose veins tend to roll away from the needle under the skin, which most of us will typically make a small joke about. This was one such occurance.
Me:*after having stuck the poor dog twice and being unable to obtain a single drop of blood* You don't have any blood, darlin'!
Client: OH MY GOD!


 

So Much For That Bio Class

I work as a veterinary assistant at a local vet clinic. During our puppy packages we deworm and check fecal samples for parasites. Many of our clients accept the ensuing worm riddled stool as normal, however, this particular case was a tad different. 
Client: *on the phone several hours after her appointment* Yeah, I had my puppy in there and the vet said he had a lot of those worms? The round ones that puppies get?
Me: Yes, ma'am, round worms. They're very common in puppies, they typically get them from mom when nursing.
Client: Well, he just went potty and there's, like, a million of these things in his poo. Did the dewormer make them hatch? 'Cause I know you guys saw a lot of the eggs in the microscope.
It should be noted that this client has had several biology classes, and that when fecal samples are examined during puppy packages, we look for the eggs in the microscope. This indicates that the parasites are in the intestinal tract and are shedding eggs, not that there is only eggs in the intestinal tract.
Me: *stunned* Uh, no, ma'am. The dewormer kills the worms that he has, which makes them detach from the intestinal walls and be excreted. 
Client: Are you sure? Because there's A TON of them in there. Is he going to survive this?
Me: Yes, ma'am, I'm sure.
Client: If he doesn't, I'm holding you responsible. *hangs up*
Me: *stunned*