Funny How That Works...

Is it just me, or is the world chock full of people that need to go into the "Stupid" category? And when I say stupid, I mean people that are - literally  - a complete waste of oxygen and space that could be used by someone with significantly more intelligence. Here is a great example from today of an entire family whose cumulative I.Q. is somewhere below room temperature (keep in mind that an I.Q. score lower than 75 is considered mentally retarded, and room temperature is considered ~72 degrees Fahrenheit).

Setting: Exam room with Dr. Wife, doing a quick abdominal ultrasound to confirm pregnancy in an 8 month old German shepherd*, the client and her teenage daughter standing there with a typical drool donkey expression on both of their faces

Dr. Wife: "Yep, she's definitely pregnant. See that movement there? That's a puppy's heartbeat, and it looks like she may have several in there. We can do x-rays when she's about one week out from whelping to count the pups, that way you'll have a better idea as to how many to expect and can be prepared if something goes wrong."

Ms. Nocommonsense: "But that's impossible! The only boy dog she's around is our other shepherd, and that's her brother. They wouldn't do that. Ever."

Dr. Wife: "Dogs don't discern between siblings. Even if they are brother and sister, if he's intact he'll still try to mate with her. Has he been neutered?"

Ms. Nocommonsense Jr.: "No, but she still can't be pregnant. The only time they're together is during the day outside, so there's no way they'd...do....that."

Dr. Wife: "...You do know that conception can happen during the day, right?"

Both Nocommonsenses: *slack-jawed stunned expressions*

Me: *after the clients had left with their info sheets* "That girl is SO going to get pregnant before she graduates high school."

Dr. Wife: "Oh, God, I hope not. Those people do not need to be breeding, their dogs or themselves."

* Side Note: When it comes to breeding, the recommendation is that ANY dog be at least TWO YEARS OLD before breeding. God, I hate dumb people.

More To Love In Less Time

It's time to talk about the elephant in the room, folks. Oh, oops, you mean that's your beagle??

Seriously, though, pet obesity has become a pandemic. Let's look at some statistics: 58% of cats in the U.S. are obese - approximately 54 million - and 45% of dogs are obese in the U.S. as well - about 35 million. A 14 year study by Purina has shown that pets with an ideal body condition score (BCS) live an average of 1.8 years longer than overweight pets. 

But Fluffy just looks so cute with a little extra chub, right? That may be so, but the health risks for overweight pets far outweighs that cuteness - no pun intended. Not only does being overweight contribute to diabetes, exacerbates arthritis pain, and is overall dangerous for your pet, but there is no reason - or excuse -  for a dog that's supposed to weigh 20lbs to weigh 75lbs. Not only is that unfair, but it's cruel. Overweight pets have more respiratory problems - they can't cool down as quickly as normal, the extra weight on their lungs causes them to breathe more heavily (ever heard an obese person next to you breathing loudly simply due to their weight and it's annoying? Yeah, your pet has to go through the same thing), some breeds are more prone to obesity as well and therefore have shorter lifespans if not fed properly- and often become so accustomed to having extra food and goodies that they perform food seeking behavior in order to sucker you into giving in and giving them that double cheeseburger from Burger Lard.

Before I get into that, though, I'd like to state that this is directed towards owners that WAY overfeed, and not towards those with pets that have genuine health problems that cause obesity - Cushing's disease, hypothyroidism, pets on steroids/anti-seizure meds, etc. - as those pets are typically on medications to help reduce their weight. 

So, you may be thinking: "My pet is overweight, but how do I start them on a diet?" Here are some key notes for that:

1. First and foremost, ALWAYS consult your VETERINARIAN before starting your pet on a diet. Yes, that kid at the Pet Depot seems to know a lot about different foods, but remember: your veterinarian went through many years of very rigorous school to obtain their degree, and can even refer you to a veterinary nutrition specialist if need be. Veterinarians also are able to prescribe special foods designed to promote weight-loss. Can the kid at Pet Depot do that? No. Nothing can top advice from your veterinarian when it comes to your pet. 
2. Keep in mind that you may not see results immediately. Weight-loss for pets needs to be slow. 1lb in a dog is equal to 5lbs in humans, and you need to remember that your veterinarian has a percentage of their body weight they want FiFi to lose each week/month. 
3. If you go for a nutrition consult BRING THE DOG FOOD BAG. Saying, "Uh, it's that blue bag that's at Pet Depot on the top shelf next to the yellow bags," is not a good answer when asked what you're feeding your dog. The best we can do is guess, and each different food has different information on the nutrition label - which you should be reading when picking out dog food instead of getting what's cheapest/on sale/the store clerk says is "the best".
4. After consulting your veterinarian about how much Fido should be eating daily, measure out his/her food and feed twice daily - make sure to feed ONLY dog food, table scraps and such are NOT allowed when your pet is dieting. Free feeding may be convenient, and the same with feeding once daily, however feeding twice daily has been shown to not only help regulate body weight, but also helps keep your pets blood sugar more regulated throughout the day which helps in preventing diabetes. 
5. Measure out treats as well, and consult your vet as to what types of treats are appropriate. Crunch Bones may be Spike's favorite treat, but certain raw veggies are better for his health and can help with his weight-loss. Not to mention, he'll probably enjoy the "people food" you've given him. 
6. Set small goals for exercise; if Buster isn't used to long daily walks, start by walking down the road 1-2 houses every other day and slowly increase your distance. The same goes for play; start with short time allotments, and increase slowly to help build stamina. This will help yours too!
7. Do not regret missed walks. Life can get in the way sometimes, we all know this. Simply do your best to make exercise as regular as possible so as to help Buddy reach his goal weight.

Now, back to food seeking behaviors. How can you counteract these so Fido doesn't con you into ruining his diet? A few tips are as follows: 

• Confine the pet while preparing human food.
• Feed during human meals so as to prevent begging at the table (you can also take a portion of their allotted food for the day and give them as treats at the table, so their not missing any of their diet and not getting anything extra either).
• Ignore any and all begging - this only works if it is COMPLETELY ignored, that means no eye contact, touching, or even the classic, "SHUT UP!"
• Keep food in pet proof containers for those that counter surf.
• Use exercise and play to bond with your pal, not food - more exercise and play does not mean that you can give them more food, though, if you're aiming for weight-loss. 
• For cats, they CAN be trained! Using favorite toys, treat dispensing toys, and small rewards for ticks, cats can soon learn adorable behaviors that allow you to bond with KeeKee more than ever.

Side note: for some reason, it seems that pretty much ALL diabetic cats are vicious assholes more grumpy than your non-diabetic feline. This is just my own observation, not a proven fact. Now let's get out there and have healthy happy pets!!

Post Script: For those owners with obese pets that are interested in a weight-loss program for their pet, check out Purina Veterinary Diets: Project Pet Slim Down and see if your veterinary clinic is participating! ( I am not paid to advertise this, it's just a really good program - my own place of work is participating and we've seen some really great results so far!)

It's Not Murder, It's HUMANE

Little in life truly bothers me, however - as you all know - neglect of a pet is one subject that REALLY burns my toast. I understand if someone doesn't have the money to treat certain conditions, and I also understand that chronic problems are expensive to treat in the vast majority of cases. HOWEVER, it is one thing to try treating them and give up - possibly euthanize - and another to just let your dog suffer.

Case and point:
Patient: Snotty McCantbreathe
Breed: Shih-tzu
Age and Sex: 14y, spayed female
Problems: Severe environmental allergies, chronic bronchitis, HUGE lipomas (fatty tumors) that impede her ability to defecate some days, severe dermatitis, etc, etc, etc.
Statement Regarding Euthanasia from Ms. Dontcareshe McCantbreathe: "I just don't think I could kill my sweet little puppy. I've had her for so long, it'd be like murder!" (This she says at every talk any of our docs have with her regarding putting the poor dog to sleep)

Now, I'm sure you're asking, "Does she just not have the money and is making an excuse?" My response would be, if that's the case then she should sell one of her five Gucci bags - and that's only the ones I've seen, so there may be more - to pay for it. Otherwise, she's just being a shithead and always had been seeing as she's never even attempted to treat her supposedly "beloved puppy dog" for her illnesses. That's right, I said it. This woman is more concerned about her own feelings regarding the dog than the dog's own happiness and well-being. It is obvious that poor little Snotty McCantbreathe is very unhappy: her tail droops all the time, she's mostly bald, she's nearly blind and completely deaf, has a difficult time defecating most days, coughs and wheezes on a constant basis, is most likely arthritic, smells like fermenting garbage left in the sun for an entire summer in the desert, and is so greasy from her skin problems that it's like trying to hold onto oil-coated turkey.

This is addressed to all the owners out there like this. Euthanasia - by definition - means "good passing." It's a way for us to give our beloved companions a way to pass away with the dignity they deserve and it's pain-free. Most vets will sedate a pet before administering the medication, and the medication itself is an overdose of an aesthetic agent so your pet will pass away euphorically in a very deep sleep. If you can sit there and watch a pet like Snotty McCantbreathe wallow in misery day after day, you sicken me. Hoping that they "just pass away in the night" is ABSOLUTELY NOT ACCEPTABLE. Euthanasia is not murder, it's humane. There is no pain in heaven. If your pet is suffering, please give them this gift if you are unable to treat their illness.

Shiners and Harrassment Mistakes

Alrighty folks, time to spread the holiday cheer and spend time with the parental units. In order to do so - at least for me - means packing up and flying half way across the country. Lucky me, I'm accident prone. So, what happened this time? Let me give some background on this one.

For some reason the apartment complex I live in decided that moulding around the walls at waist level was a good idea. Now, this is not your thin moulding that is usually used along the ceilings, but instead juts out from the wall about two to three inches. I was, in preparation of packing the evening before leaving for the airport, shifting laundry. Somehow, I managed to misjudge the distance between the corner of the moulding and my eyeball, the result being a nice shiner around my right eye. Lucky me.

This bruise - and I'm half-convinced of this - is possibly the reason I was bumped up to first class on my second flight. The man sitting next to me was quite insistent on talking to me, the conversation taking this awkward turn:

Guy: So, what do you do for a living? *cheesey grin*
Me: Uh, I'm a vet assistant. *holds book up higher*
Guy: Oh, you help veterans?
Me: No, I'm a veterinary assistant.
Guy: Oh, cool. Do you like snakes? *leans closer, starting to dig around in his pants*
Me: Excuse me?? O_O;;
Guy: *pulls out iPhone* This is my python. His name is Monty.
Me: Oh...Oh, he's handsome...*buries face in book for the rest of the flight*

Wanted: Human Obedience Classes

It has suddenly occurred to me - ok, reoccurred - that humans are insufferably rude. A great example of this was the woman today that came in with her young son to pick up medications for their cat. While the mother gave us the evil eye waited in line for the receptionist to assist her, she pointed out our small Christmas tree in the back of the lobby to her son. The demon boy proceeded to toddle over to it and unwrap every single gift under the branches. The gifts placed there were simply for decoration, however there were approximately twenty of them in total, all of which had to be re-wrapped and placed back under the small tree. The best part? She watched the boy while he did it and encouraged him. Seriously, why are there no laws against these people breeding??

Just a Little Extra-Special

I came across this video, while just surfing the web, about a cat with cerebellar hypoplasia. This disease is caused by the cerebellum not being fully developed by the time the cat is born. Symptoms usually appear immediately, though it is not life threatening. These cats need no special care, except maybe the occasional catch when they fall off the sofa. They live a long happy, healthy life with no side-effects except some balance issues. In short, they're just a little extra-special. So, please click the link and see this inspiring story. This is Charlie

Pandemic of Dumb-Dumb Syndrome Continues to Worsen

It's recently come to my attention that no one listens to anyone else, at least when it comes to truly listening. This usually occurs when someone sings a wrong lyric in a song (i.e. "Hold me closer, Tony Danza," or "Lock the cat box"), but it has really started occurring with one particular word that we come across a lot at work. And no, it's not a complicated word like aminophyline (am-in-off-o-lin) or cefpdoxime (seph-puh-dox-ih-mee). It is, in fact, the word, spay. Now, I know what you're thinking. How can someone muck up a four letter word that's plain as day to know how to pronounce? In order to answer that I must first go into the different tenses of the word, and you in the back pouting about the language lesson, sit up and pay attention please.

There are very few variations of the word, "spay," including spayed (ex: My dog was recently spayed.), spaying (ex: Dr. Husband is in the middle of spaying that cat) and the word spay itself (def: a surgical procedure where the ovaries and uterus are removed, also known as an ovariohysterectomy [OHE]).

Now, seeing that there are those few variations of the word, how is it that not one, but several people can get it wrong? The best example I can provide happens - without fail - only on the telephone with people. The most common sentence the mistake is used in? "Yeah, I'd like to set up an appointment to get my (cat/dog) spayeded." Spayded. Yes, that's right, I said it. The fact that someone would use a past tense with an additional -ed on the end is appalling, especially when the word is so freakin' simple. I'm aware that I'm a grammar Nazi, but I could forgive this if it had just been one person. However, there's been a minimum of ten people I have heard this from, varying from white trash to upper middle class. Really folks? Really? I am horrified that the only thing I can do is attempt to subtly correct them and sit back with my face in my palm. I know not all pet owners know what IMHA (immune mediated hemolytic anemia) is, etc, etc. But, and I am begging everyone to do this for their daily lives and not just vet clinic visits, be aware of what you are saying when it comes out of your mouth. It doesn't even matter what it is that you're saying. If you're not sure, don't say it or ask someone about it. Hell, for words you're not sure how to use right there's this thing that's been around for forever called a dictionary. Use it.