You've Been In The Veterinary Field Too Long When:

- Conversations concerning a dog's sperm and how, "funky," it was seems perfectly normal.
- Handling vicious animals no longer phases you in any way.
- You have enough scars to win in a comparison contest against Vietnam veterans.
- You begin to use words like, "hemotomatuh," to describe large bruises.
- The vast majority of your wardrobe consists of scrubs (various holiday prints optional).
- You think nothing of carrying eighteen bags of groceries in all at once now that your strength has increased from hauling hundred pound dogs alone on a daily basis.
- Every time your dog chews something they're not supposed to, you immediately fear a foreign body and over-react.
- You use pancreatitis as an excuse to keep people from giving your pets human food.
- You cringe at the sight of an un-neutered dog and have to resist the urge to lecture the owner(s) about the health risks of intact pets (the pets' health, not the owners').
- You know exactly what, how, and duration of medications for 50+ conditions and have already gotten them ready by the time the DVM is finished doing just the exam.
- Unjamming an x-ray processor is part of every day life.
- You forget your friends have no idea what things like pyometra, hemorrhagic gastroenteritis, and ehrlichia are.
- You ignore the weird looks friends give you when you use those terms and let them chalk it up to you being overworked.
- Your parents refer to you as things like, "The Cat Wrangler," or, "The Canine Rodeo Rider."
- You can no longer smell when anal glands have been expressed on/by/near you.
- The most interesting parts of your day are not dinner-table appropriate.
- (Last but not least) You write a blog about your job because the only other people that understand the humor in it are your coworkers.

Keller's Korner

Ok, so I am well aware that it's been a while since I posted before today and I am dedicating this post to the rescue puppy from July/August. Since it's been so long, I'm going to post the nutshell version.

1) Rescue Pup's illness was - in fact - distemper. *100 brownie points to those of you who guessed it*
2) With the combined brain power of the clinic staff, he was dubbed Keller due to his lack of hearing.
3) Keller's hearing has fully returned.
4) He has also made a full recovery, having only had a total of four seizures during the neurological stage of the disease (I'll be posting a disease of the week from now on, starting with distemper).
5) For those of you wondering about his adoption, well, you're reading the words of his mother. (I know, I'm such a sucker)
6) Keller should continue to do well for the rest of his life, the only side effects of the virus being hyperkeratinization of his toe pads and nose - meaning they could become hard and crusty looking - and/or encephalitis as an geriatric dog.

It was a long and expensive road to get him here, but I don't regret it one bit. Keller and Drover - my corgi - are best buddies and now that he's healthy and completely out of the woods we are all settling into life as a menagerie. I find that it just goes to show that while one may make a decision out of anger, it will always have the potential to reap astounding rewards.

Secrets of the Tennis Ball

Things I have learned from my dogs:

- Anyone can do anything with the right motivation.
- Enlisting a cat's help is never a bad idea when kibble's involved.
- Teamwork is key to getting things you're not supposed to have.
- Everything is edible.
- Rolling in something smelly in the yard is fun; the ensuing bath is not.
- Playing fetch never gets old.
- Sibling rivalry can be interspecies.
- Sad puppy eyes is a sure way to escape punishment every time.
- Obedience is for suckers.
- Rawhides are to be hoarded and then used to club the other dogs in the face when they're least suspecting.
- Stealing laundry and leaving it in the kennel is highly entertaining.
- The cat is The World's Greatest Squeaky Toy.
- The World's Greatest Squeaky Toy often leaks air, so ignore that hissing sound.
- When told no, do it anyway.
- Taking the blame for others' naughty deeds is a sure way to win lots of sympathy and pettin's.
- Child locks on windows are important.
- Rules are made to be broken; the furniture is made to be laid on no matter what anyone says.
- Begging for table scraps is easy; being cute enough to get table scraps is talent and determination.

Secrets of the Litter Box

Things I have learned from my cat:

- Sometimes it's ok to be retarded.
- Being aloof isn't rude, it's a way to keep interest and make people want your attention.
- There's nothing wrong with claiming someone else's spot as your own, especially if it's already warm.
- When in doubt, look adorable.
- All you need to get your point across is the right murderous glare.
- The cheapest toys are always the most entertaining.
- Talking with your mouth full is merely multitasking.
- There is always a way to get into the food bin.
- Patience is a virtue; using it to scare the shit out of someone never gets old.
- Anyone can come when called, but showing up at the most inconvenient times is an art-form.
- Lint roller companies will never go out of business.
- Nothing small and put away is safe from prying paws.
- One doesn't have to be intoxicated to make strange sounds in the night.
- Freeloading is easy and has many rewards.
- If one is in need of alone time, it never fails to become a screaming ball of on-end fur with teeth and claws.